The Best of the Worst!

Last night I had the pleasure of watching one of the worst films in the history of cinema: Troll 2. I had known about the film for a long time and knew how pitifully awful it was going to be but the film somehow still managed to exceed all of my expectations. It’s hilariously bad, unimaginably awful, stupendously horrifying and indeed one of the funniest movie experiences one could ever hope for. After watching the film, I began to wonder about what other horrible movies there are out there. Let’s face it, seeing truly pitiful excuses for art make us feel better about our own artistic mistakes. Here are a few terrible movies I have seen which I would recommend for those who want to kill a few thousand brain cells and feel better about their own talents or lack there of. I hate to admit it but I have not seen that many awful movies, so I will also recommend some films that I have yet to see but hear are unimaginably stupid. Enjoy!

Troll 2

The popcorn sex scene alone will leave you literally crying with laughter, not to mention the fact that the acting from every member of the cast is so awful that you have to wonder just what drug they were all on. Also, the goblins in this film are so unintentionally hilarious looking until you realize that they all look uncannily like the people you see waiting at your local bus stop.

Showgirls

Elizabeth Berkley gives the performance of a lifetime in this film, which is, let’s admit it, a glorified Lesbian porno. The writing is so unimaginably terrible and the acting so over-the-top that you cannot take a single scene seriously. Watch this incredible scene:

Battlefield Earth

This is basically a propaganda film for Scientology. It’s convoluted, the hair and makeup is ridiculous and John Travolta gives a completely unbelievable performance. Here’s a fantastic clip:

Glitter

This is Mariah Carey’s magnum opus. It includes such profound lines such as, “the glitter can’t overpower the artist.” No words have ever been truer. Here’s just a taste of the horror of Glitter:

Killer Condom

I could try and describe this horrendous German piece of crap but I’ll just let the trailer do the talking:

The Happening

There are so, so many horribly hilarious scenes in this film, that it deserves its own post but this is one of my favorites:

Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie

When I was a kid, I loved Power Rangers, luckily the movie is still entertaining today, unfortunately I also now see how ludicrously stupid the movie is. Here’s one of its fantastic fight scenes:

Batman and Robin

The nippled-batsuit is only the icing on top of this shit-show of a movie. It’s surprisingly bad and it’s a wonder it didn’t destroy George Clooney’s career. Here is a beautiful scene with Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze:

Some films that I hear are totally horrible:

1. The Room (deemed the “Citizen Kane” of terrible movies by Entertainment Weekly)

2. Max Payne

3. House of the Dead

4. Transformers 2

5. Swept Away

6. Gigli

7. Plan 9 From Outer Space

8. Catwoman

9. Norbit

10. Sex Lives of the Potato Men

11. The Love Guru

If after watching one of these films, you feel infinitely dumber, please come to the Independent Film Festival of Boston which runs from April 22-28 and watch a good film for a change! All info can be found here: http://www.iffboston.org/




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3 Comments

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3 responses to “The Best of the Worst!

  1. Kelly P

    You’re forgetting ‘Sex and the City’. I preferred ‘Transformers 2’ and ‘Batman and Robin’ to that terrible movie. Why in the world are they making a second film?! I mean for the money obviously, but I would hope that someone out there would have done the right thing and said ‘no’ to the sequel.

  2. Anonymous

    I’ve seen scenes from The Room and I definitely recommend giving it a watch, if only for the laughs. I think everything Power Rangers could fit under this category but… you gotta love them anyways!

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